Dear festival friends. It’s the season to embrace the mud-fueled party. If you’re attending virtually any festival at all this year, you’re likely to wake up the following Tuesday morning covered in glitter (that you’ll be unable to rid until Christmas) and will definitely recall seeing all of these people at least once during the festival. Party.
Walking Billboard
The walking billboard carries a permanent marker pen and allows passers by to cover him in ‘art’. On his return from the festival, he realises that he does, in fact, more similarly replicate the underside of an urban, small town bridge. Music preference is Fatboy Slim and he only eats burgers. Standard burgers, supporting the constant feed of beer (his mates have strapped a can to his hand).
Runaway Bride
There is literally always a festival spectacle who has decimated their Mum’s old wedding dress. Some festivals are actually a pretty sweet setting to get hitched, so we’ll support this. Spends entirety of festival disco dancing (even when there’s no music playing. Eats a lot of crepes and drinks a box of wine a day.
Cheap and cheerful
The common festival goer eats cold tinned beans and never complains about it. Their attire is utterly irrelevant and they’re likely to listen to Linkin Park. Still.
Supermodel
Covergirl puts the bass in her walk, even when marching through the mud. She glides through the campsite without a spec of dust on her sheer kimono. The impossible Goddess is someone to aspire to, eats burritos while she sips on her gin and looks the bomb at the front of the M.I.A crowd.
Man. Lost.
Intoxicated guy/gal has no appetite for food, but has none-the-less been holding a hot dog for at least 5 hours. Dons a rain poncho sans shoes and has a better time than all of us.
The Veteran
Wears exactly what you should wear in all weather conditions because they’ve been attending festivals since the dawn of time. Campsite looks like an actual city, complete with washing line, digital radio, ice fridge, BBQ and fresh coffee. Mostly Doesn’t eat at festival stalls — prepares bacon sandwiches and sausages 4 times a day. Will only move to watch headliners (on a deck chair, from a distance). Will eat something genius like a salmon döner kebab like it’s no biggy (yeah, we literally found one of those).
